RECENT POSTS

The Nintendo Conspiracy

This game, much as Doom taught my generation to become blood-thirsty, merciless killers, is instilling the idea that drugs such as mushrooms help you get through life, thanks to the pusher known only as "Toad".

Inside Job

The bond between brothers is a sacred one, developing a closeness that many other people will never know in their lives. Sometimes... it's a little bit too close.

#BearFacts: STEEM Edition

STEEM Caffeinated Peanut butter is designed to provide a consistent release of sustained energy to help humans Get Going. But as the label says, it’s not safe for animals, and bears are no exception. Although it would be more accurate to say that Bears with STEEM are not safe for all life on Earth.

Press Release: WNV Acquired by Valve

Valve Corporation today announced that it has reached a definitive agreement to acquire Warranty Now Void for a total of approximately 1.4 billion. This includes 900 million in GabenBucks and 503.1 Dinosaur-Shaped chicken nuggets.

Baby Testing

It is time for science to abandon our subpar standard of clinical testing on animals and enter the golden era of testing exclusively on human babies. WNV's own Admiral Rau provides an insightful and compelling argument backed with pure scientific fact, or something.

Spring

Ah, March, the most emotionally abusive month. Giving us some distant hope that everything's going to be alright and the sun is coming to save us from the wasteland we've been living in, only to cruelly stomp on all our dreams. Again and again.

2014 Winter Olympics Update

The 2014 Winter Olympics are well underway, with the event everyone's been waiting for finally getting started: Unprovoked Invasion, and Russia is off to a commanding lead.

Eight Things We Were Doing Instead of Updating

It's been a while since our last post, so we thought we owed you all a bit of an explanation. Things around here have been very busy lately, and we haven't been keeping up with our previously rigorous post regimen. Here's a list of the ten most important things that have been keeping us from you all this time.

Letter to Editor by Vladimir Putin

Dear Comrades, I am Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, greatest all-powerful democratic ruler of greatest Mother Russia. It has come to Putin's attention that Homeland has drawn criticism from West. Putin must set record straight.

Sochi or Fallout?

To celebrate the 2014 Winter Olympics, we've started playing a fun new game called "Sochi, or Fallout Wasteland?" The rules are simple, for each scenario, contestants determine if it happened in the post-apocalyptic video game series Fallout, or if it is currently happening in the very real city of Sochi, Russia.

Camping

We here at Warranty Now Void have been known to occasionally come up with ideas. Sometimes we describe these ideas as "good" or "great" or even "not likely to result in our horrific deaths." Oftentimes, we are wrong.

WNV Cares: Helping Lost Googlers

Every year, like twenty-ish people fall victim to Google's indifference, and instead of finding the answers they need, find themselves here on WNV, face-to-face with a poop joke. Today, we try to help those poor lost souls.

#BearFacts: Volume 2

Bears are quickly becoming one of the most important driving forces of the US economy thanks to the proliferation of totally accurate information by WNV's #BearFacts initiative. Not reading more #BearFacts makes you a terrorist.

Dentistry

Going to the Dentist is a pretty strange experience overall. If I wanted to pay someone to berate me for my lack of hygiene, I'd just buy another mail order bride. Or at least I would if my mouth wasn't still completely numb and everything I said on the phone didn't sound like "bbbbbhffffftabnt."

Drowning: A Tale of Survival

In our continuing series on modes of death, our effort to keep you safe and healthy, we bring you an in-depth look at Drowning, the silent killer. Well, silent except for all the screaming and splashing, I guess. If you could keep it down out there, we're trying to write here.

Répondez S'il Vous Plaît

Today brings an average "slice of life" of the creators of WNV, a portrait of the wholesome and completely normal interactions that make us who we are and give us the motivation to do what we do.

Pope's Guide to Celebrating The Holidays

Here we are in another new year after another wildly successful holiday season. Joy and happiness were spread to all mankind, family and friends shared the warmth of the season, and Pope got sick, so now he's pissed off at the world. Join us as we help you create your own successful holiday season in five easy steps.

2014: A Building Year.

We're back from our holiday hiatus, and we're ready to make 2014 every bit as uncomfortable as we made that last section of 2013!

Six People You Will Encounter on Your Next Flight

The busy holiday travel season is upon us, and many of us are flying from various corners of the world to others. Here as always to help prepare you for the harsh realities around you, WNV takes a look at the types of people every flight is bound to encounter.

Black Friday

Black Friday has been vilified in the media for the violent, frenzied behavior it induces in the public. Many prominent figures have asked if stores go too far with advertising and deals, creating a "perfect storm" scenario. We at WNV have a very different question to on our minds: do they go far enough?