#SNOWPOCALYPSE2015 Liveblog

Note: This page is updated in real-time. Most recent posts are on top.

Rau (12:05am): Cool, on my way.

Steven (12:04am): We meant give to you. How do you edit a post?

Steven (12:04am): We are here. We have the Awake Link. Come to the office and we shall feed on you.

Rau (12:03am): Hey, where's Steven? He borrowed my Link's Awakening game and never gave it back.

Rau (12:03am): My bad.

Pope (12:02am): It's after midnight. The liveblog ended like two minutes ago. You ruined my dramatic signoff.

Pope (12:01am): God fucking dammit, Rau. Show some respect.

Rau (12:00am): Haha, not such a bad snow day, huh?

Rau (12:00am): Hey guys, finally got power back. I spent all day playing my Game Boy.

Pope (11:59pm): And I thank their disembodied, pulverized, eaten corpses for that.

Pope (11:58pm): Their bloody, horrific, and easily avoidable deaths only served to lend an air of sincerity to this blog that we otherwise would never have had

Pope (11:58pm): Although at least two people died, I would like to consider this liveblog a great success.

Scawt (11:57pm): Yeah, what the dead guy said.

Steven (11:56pm): Good night, fellow bipeds, may your cubs be many, and potent.

Pope (11:56pm): And that does it for our liveblog. We hope this was not in the least bit informative to you, as that would indicate some sort of serious mental illness on your part.

Pope (11:54pm): Alright, bud. Text me. Let's go get drunk sometime.

Erik (11:53pm): Goodbye, my friends, and may Talos bless all your endeavors!

Erik (11:53pm): I surely will not.

Steven (11:52pm): Come thank us all at the office. Together. The window is open, climb up the snowbank and come right in.

Erik (11:51pm): No, my friend. Thank you. Thank all of you.

Pope (11:50pm): But, neat. Thanks.

Pope (11:49pm): I'm still not totally clear on who you are or how you got a password to this

Erik (11:49pm): For he was a massive dick.

Erik (11:48pm): Except for Mark.

Erik (11:47pm): Though one day, you shall. For your work here has earned you a place in the Hall of Valor. You and all of your WNV comrades.

Erik (11:46pm): Nay, Scawt. You shall not go to Sovngarde this day.

Scawt (11:45pm): .com

Scawt (11:45pm): Oh great, everyone else was murdered, and now I will be too, all because of my stupid internet website

Erik (11:45pm): Though my time with you was short, I have learned much of the ways of the WNV.

Scawt (11:44pm): Heh.

Erik (11:44pm): Indeed, I have returned, my many sacks heavy with the spoils of glorious battle.

Scawt (11:43pm): that guy.

Scawt (11:42pm): Hey it's

Pope (11:42pm): Erik! You're back!

Erik (11:41pm): Great Tirdas to you, my friends!

Pope (11:40pm): Wait, what's that?

Pope (11:40pm): We are facing hard times, but I know that the spirit of

Scawt (11:39pm): What kind of bullshit party doesn't invite Liam Neeson?

Scawt (11:39pm): For your own safety: No one go to this party.

Steven (11:37pm): The one you call 'Neeson of Liam' is not welcome.

Pope (11:37pm): I'm in

Steven (11:36pm): By partying.

Steven (11:36pm): All humans, come to WNV office for great feast. End your suffering.

Pope (11:35pm): This storm has truly devastated this great state, but I believe that with enough time, we will all recover and rebuild.

Pope (11:34pm): We'd like to thank literally no one but our own damn selves, and the Boston Snow Yeti.

Pope (11:33pm): The storm is dying out, along with, it seems, a significant portion of our staff, so now seems like an appropriate time to bring our #SNOWLOCAUST2015 liveblog to a close.


Steven (9:06pm): Oh no, come to office to mourn Jimothy; attire is condiments formal

Pope (9:05pm): Jimothy will not be liveblogging his drive home.

Pope (9:05pm):

Pope (9:05pm): Everyone, I have some bad news

Jimothy (8:50pm): Wait a minute, this isn't the Yeti from next door, he drives a Prius

Pope (8:46pm): Well, just make sure you liveblog the whole drive home too. Showing someone driving around during a storm when they totally shouldn't be is pretty much storm report gold right there.

Jimothy (8:45pm): What a relief. I'm just waving him down now. I wonder what he's doing out here driving around during the storm

Jimothy (8:45pm): I know this guy, he'll take me home in his car

Jimothy (8:44pm): Guys! It's okay! I'm safe now, it's the Yeti that lives next door to me!

Jimothy (8:43pm): Oh god I see someone coming

Jimothy (8:42pm): I'm all turned around

Jimothy (8:42pm): I'm trying, I just

Pope (8:41pm): Just stay calm. Focus. And get the hell out of that place as quickly as you can.

Scawt (8:40pm): Holy shit...

Pope (8:40pm): Oh god no

Jimothy (8:39pm): I think I'm in Dorchester

Jimothy (8:39pm): I think

Pope (8:38pm): That's insane, the storm wasn't that bad. Where are you?

Jimothy (8:37pm): You guys have to help me, they've all got snowmobiles covered with bones and painted with blood

Jimothy (8:36pm): There is no more law or order, only chaos and madness

Jimothy (8:36pm): Things have changed since the storm

Jimothy (8:35pm): Look I just need to get inside, you guys don't know what it's like out here

Scawt (8:34pm): No, I'm sure they were definitely friends. In the end.

Jimothy (8:32pm): They weren't such great friends in the end

Jimothy (8:32pm): Oh they uh

Pope (8:32pm): What's the matter? New best friends in the whole world can't help?

Steven (8:31pm): Yes, come hide at the office. We have plenty of hiding places here. Keep the lights off. You can stay very hidden. No one will ever find you.

Jimothy (8:29pm): Hide? For a while?

Jimothy (8:29pm): So anyway, anyone happen to have somewhere I could

Scawt (8:29pm): Oh I'm sure my feelings weren't the only things that were hard.

Jimothy (8:28pm): Cool cool cool.

Jimothy (8:28pm): Great, cool.

Jimothy (8:28pm): Great, so no hard feelings about what I said earlier right?

Pope (8:27pm): I'm not sure I do, Jimothy.

Jimothy (8:26pm): Right?

Jimothy (8:26pm): You guys know how I like to joke around right?

Jimothy (8:25pm): So um

Jimothy (8:25pm): Heyyyyy

Pope (8:24pm): Hello, Jimothy.

Pope (8:24pm): Oh.

Jimothy (8:24pm): Well at least that's not a super weird thing to say

Steven (8:23pm): Yes, we are all doing very well. Come to the office and see how well we are all doing together.

Jimothy (8:22pm): Doing good?

Jimothy (8:22pm): How is everyone?

Jimothy (8:22pm): Uh hey guys


Pope (5:12pm): WNV would like to apologize to all of our readers. When we invite guests to join us, rarely do they conduct themselves in such an untoward manner. Needless to say, the MEMA Vest will not be welcome on our future liveblogs.

Pope (5:09pm): Get the hell off of our liveblog.

Pope (5:09pm): Yeah well, now I see why the new Governor didn't even want to wear you, you son of a bitch.

MEMA Vest (5:08pm):

Pope (5:07pm): You don't even know my mother, you fucking vest.

Pope (5:07pm): Hey, fuck you too, man. That is just low.

MEMA Vest (5:07pm):

Pope (5:06pm): Now that is just uncalled for sir. I have apologized for my comment. Let's keep this discussion civil. People are depending on this information during this time of crisis.

MEMA Vest (5:06pm):

Pope (5:05pm): Or are we expecting another day's worth of cleanup ahead of us?

Pope (5:05pm): Is MBTA service scheduled to resume normally tomorrow?

Pope (5:05pm): Moving on

Pope (5:04pm): My apologies, Your Vestitude. I had no idea those textiles were so offensive to your kind.

MEMA Vest (5:03pm):

Pope (5:02pm): Truly fascinating. I had no idea that law was still on the books in MA. I suppose we should all get our powdered wigs on.

MEMA Vest (5:02pm):

Pope (5:01pm): And if so, what is the state's response?

Pope (5:01pm): Have there been any major incidents as a direct result of the storm as yet?

Pope (5:00pm): Haha, of course.

MEMA Vest (4:59pm):

Pope (4:58pm): I've heard that the travel ban has been lifted in the western half of the state, but remains in effect to the east. Are we expecting much more in terms of snowfall for the rest of the night?

Pope (4:57pm): That's good to hear.

MEMA Vest (4:57pm):

Pope (4:56pm): MEMA, the storm seems to have fallen short of the massive predictions, but still managed to dump an extreme amount of snow on the area. How is the state cleanup coming along so far?

Pope (4:55pm): I see.

MEMA Vest (4:55pm):

Pope (4:54pm): I'll just call you MEMA if I may.

Pope (4:54pm): I'm not entirely sure how to address you, sir. Is there a specific title? Governor-vest? Govestinor? Article of Clothing?

MEMA Vest (4:52pm):

Pope (4:52pm): Welcome to the WNV Liveblog, Mr. Vest

Pope (4:51pm): Yep. That's who we got to agree to comment here. A vest.

Pope (4:51pm): Scratch that. Former Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick's MEMA Vest.

Pope (4:49pm): Uh, no wait, sorry. It's actually former Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick

Pope (4:49pm): Joining us now with updates on the state of emergency and storm cleanup is Massachusetts Governor Charlie Baker


Pope (3:14pm): Who knew that this storm would bring us all such good luck. Jim has found some great new friends, Erik has pillaged the entire north shore, Mark is dead and we're all a lot happier for it. I wonder what good fortunes are coming our way next.

Pope (3:13pm): I have a really great feeling about this.

Scawt (3:12pm): I can guarantee you something is about to get plowed.

Jimothy (3:11pm): Anyway, see you losers later. I'm going to go work to "repay my debt." Probably a lot of shoveling that needs to be done.

Jimothy (3:11pm): Yeah, that's the one. I think they're foreign, must be some expression I've never heard of.

Scawt (3:10pm): Did any of them use the phrase "snow bride"?

Jimothy (3:09pm): I don't totally follow, they have a weird sense of humor

Jimothy (3:09pm): They like me so much they're already making jokes about how close our friendship is, like closer than if we were married or something

Jimothy (3:08pm): By my real friends.

Jimothy (3:08pm): Now if you'll excuse me, I'm needed here.

Jimothy (3:07pm): You can all go straight to hell.

Steven (3:05pm): Yeah man, I've made $730 selling those on eBay this month alone

Pope (3:03pm): Hey those vouchers are collectibles!

Jimothy (3:02pm): This is the shittiest internship ever

Jimothy (3:01pm): And those Taco Bell free taco vouchers you guys were paying me in expired like six years ago

Jimothy (3:01pm): I've got some new friends who actually appreciate me

Jimothy (2:59pm): You know what, screw you guys and your liveblog

Pope (2:58pm): This isn't the liveblog of Some Random Guys I Met On The Street, now is it?

Pope (2:57pm): That's good buddy, but we're going to need you back out in the storm

Jimothy (2:56pm): My fingers are finally unfrozen and we had a delicious meal of something they called "roasted long pork."

Jimothy (2:55pm): Great news, guys! I found a friendly group of people out here who are totally willing to let me join them and share their camp!

Pope (2:49pm): Oh, cool, cool. Let us know how that goes.

Jimothy (2:48pm): I'VE DICOVERED SOME FOOTPRINTS THROUGH THE SNOW, I'M GOING TO FOLLOW THEM IN THE HOPES OF FINDING RESCUE

Jimothy (2:36pm): MY SKIN HURTS

Pope (2:36pm): I have no idea, but he makes a good point. Quit whining.

Jimothy (2:35pm): WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU

Erik (2:34pm): Take heart, Jimothy! The day is nearly won! Your reward awaits you, whether in Sovngarde or the next village, it is all for you to take!

Jimothy (2:28pm): I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN LAST OUT HERE

Pope (2:27pm): Shoveling out the sidewalk is pretty hard work, am I right?

Pope (2:26pm): Haha, that's great. Good to hear everyone is handling this storm alright.

Erik (2:25pm): Many a coastal village has fallen to us this day! Few of my men have gone to Sovngard, but they will rest easy knowing the battles have been glorious indeed!

Steven (2:24pm): Guys?

Steven (2:19pm): I just hope the wolves don't realize they can get up here now, right? Heh, right?

Steven (2:18pm): That is some high snowbank right below my window here

Steven (2:18pm): Man, that

Steven (2:17pm): Boy that snow is, well, it's really starting to pile up, huh.

Jimothy (2:17pm): MY PHONE'S CAPS LOCK KEY HAS FROZEN IN THE 'ON' POSITION

Jimothy (2:16pm): THIS IS FUCKED UP. SERIOUSLY.

Pope (2:15pm): How are things in the city, guys?

Jimothy (2:15pm): ARE YOU JUST IGNORING THE THING ABOUT THE BABY? WHAT THE FUCK

Pope (2:14pm): Uh oh, I hope your neighbors don't read this liveblag, loooool

Scawt (2:12pm): Also my dog pooped in the hallway.

Scawt (2:11pm): I fear the worst for the child

Scawt (2:11pm): One wife bore him a son last night. I saw him carry it out into Rumney Marsh in Revere but lost sight of them in the bushes

Scawt (2:10pm): It's called "Lynn"

Scawt (2:09pm): I've discovered a small village populated only by an incestuous old man and his hundred daughter/wives

Pope (2:05pm): And we're back live! What did I miss, everyone?


Pope (12:45pm): And so I can head outside to mediate a fight between a Somerville street sweeper and the snow plows in my street

Pope (12:45pm): Let's all take a moment of silence to remember that douchebag

Erik (12:43pm): HAAHAAAR! A DICK FOR TRUE!

Jimothy (12:42pm): Yeah, but he was kind of a dick so whatever.

Erik (12:41pm): Cattle die, kinsmen die, all men are mortal. Words of praise will never perish, nor a noble name.

Pope (12:36pm): Mark has died of an acute bread and milk deficiency.

Pope (12:35pm):

Pope (12:34pm): I was on Skype with Mark just now, and this may be a bit hard to watch, but I captured a gif.

Pope (12:32pm): Everyone, I have some bad news.

Mark (12:28pm): I am starting to get a little hungry though, so I'll be right back.

Mark (12:28pm): Oh, whatever. You jackasses will overreact to anything.

Erik (12:27pm): The one called Mark is a foolish man indeed!

Steven (12:26pm): Oh never mind, you're in the middle of something, it's no big deal

Steven (12:26pm): Hey guys?

Jimothy (12:25pm): YOU DUMB SHIT

Scawt (12:25pm): Dude...

Pope (12:24pm): ...you didn't get any bread or milk?

Mark (12:24pm): Bread and milk? What the fuck do I need that for? I've got a whole kitchen full of actual food.

Pope (12:22pm): Hey man, just because you were well prepared for this storm doesn't mean everyone is handling it as well. Just be happy that you got all the bread and milk you need in advance.

Mark (12:21pm): The scientific community of my dick thinks you're all a bunch of little bitches whining about some snow. Why are we even doing this live thing?

Pope (12:20pm): That seems a little premature

Scawt (12:19pm): Buncha stupid nerds

Scawt (12:19pm): MIT appears to be building some sort of perpetual motion device to power an enormous train

Pope (12:17pm): Boy it's pretty desolate out there I guess. Well, I'm sure you'll find your way out. What are we hearing from the scientific community?

Jimothy (12:06pm): WHO?!

Jimothy (12:06pm):

Jimothy (12:06pm):

Pope (12:05pm): Relax, dude, just ask someone walking by on the street to help you get out of there

Jimothy (12:03pm): GUYS I'M REALLY FREAKING OUT HERE, THERE ARE WOLVES AND I'M SO COLD AND I THINK MY LEG IS STUCK

Pope (12:02pm): Well, we've got wolves in Boston, no power in Western MA, and boy is my car buried! I just wish I had some patio furniture to send you guys pictures of every five minutes.

Mark (11:59am): I can do that.

Steven (11:59am): Oh, well there were some wolves. No big deal. Just circling the building. Not a problem. They can't get up here. Forget I said anything.

Pope (11:58am): No. You did not mention any wolves. Ever.

Mark (11:57am): Hahaha you guys are idiots

Jimothy (11:57am): WOLVES? ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Steven (11:56am): Remember those wolves I mentioned before?

Steven (11:55am): Guys, I think I might be having some trouble here...

Jimothy (11:41am): ...

Pope (11:40am): Haha, oh boy, sounds like you're in some deep trouble

Jimothy (11:38am): Oh god it's so cold

Jimothy (11:38am): What the hell do you THINK is going on out here? The air is full of tiny knives and every step I take, I sink deeper into this abyss of snow

Pope (11:37am): He's not dead, he just lost power. Relax and tell us what's going on out there.

Jimothy (11:25am): Oh god is he dead? DID HE JUST DIE? I KNEW I SHOULDN'T BE OUT HERE

Rau (11:23am): NO DON'T TAKE MY ELECTRICIT--

Rau (11:23am): There's some ice within 20 feet of the power lines.

Rau (11:23am): Oh no no no no.

Rau (11:23am): Oh no.

Mark (11:22am): How the fuck should I know? I'm still in my bed. Eat a dick.

Pope (11:21am): Sure, sure, solid advice. So anyway, things are looking pretty rough out there, easy two feet here outside my door, and that wind sure seems brutal. How about everyone else?

Erik (11:20am): Never walk away from home ahead of your axe and sword. You can't feel a battle in your bones or foresee a fight.

Pope (11:12am): Um, okay. That's cool. Wait who are you again? How'd you get on here?

Erik (11:11am): Wake early if you want another man's life or land. No lamb for the lazy wolf. No battle's won in bed.

Scawt (10:50am):

Scawt (10:50am): Mmmmph.

Mark (10:48am): Fuck you guys, I'm not going anywhere today. I'll do this shit from my house in Brighton. GUYS LOOK IT'S SNOWING! OH NO! Fuck you.

Jimothy (10:47am): Guys I don't think this is a very good idea. The governor said to take this storm seriously. I probably shouldn't be out here on the street like this...

Erik (10:46am): HAAAHAAAR!

Steven (10:46am): WNV headquarters in Boston's Back Bay checking in.

Rau (10:46am): Western MA reporting in.

Pope (10:45am): I'll be coming to you live from Somerville with all the latest street sweeping and hipster interest news.

Pope (10:45am): Good morning, world, and welcome to our very first, highly anticipated liveblog of #SNOWPOCALYPSE2015: #THE #END #OF #EVERYTHING. Our team is braving the devastation to bring you the most up to date and vital information.

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