2014: A Building Year.

Happy New Year everybody!

I realize that it’s been a while since the last post, but sometimes life is like that, especially around the holiday season. With the dawning of the new year however, we’ve returned to the internet, and I for one would love to discuss the next 365 days a bit. We at WNV have big plans, and even bigger dreams for 2014.

Resolutions for 2014

  • 68% change in the number of cease and desist orders for “sexual misconduct” as defined by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

  • To stop twerking ironically, and begin twerking from the heart.

  • Try not to use the word “blasting” as a suffix (i.e. fingerblasting, assblasting, etc.) in professional settings or in front of children quite so much.

  • Become a racist.

  • Meet and befriend a person who is different from me on the outside, and in so doing learn that we’re all the same on the inside.

  • Paradoxically, cling to my racist beliefs and start referring to my new friend as “one of the good ones.”

  • Lose friend, give up on overt racism, start saying things like “I’m not racist, but…”

  • Get back into ninja turtles. 2014 feels like big a ninja turtles year to me for some reason.

Actual Ideas For 2014 Content

  • Rip off Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy

  • “King of Fuck Mountain”

  • Try to make at least 2 posts a week, and adhere to our original 3 post method if we ever clear 2000 hits in a week. (As it is right now, I’m not convinced we aren’t still the only ones reading this shit.)

  • Replace Pope with an animatronic raccoon who plays the banjo

  • Sodomize Rowe [carried over from last year’s agenda]

Sorry, that went a little off the rails again.

  • Warranty Now Vines

  • More comics

  • Documentaries about Boston

  • something, something penises are God’s leftovers.

  • Get banjo-playin’ animatronic raccoon Pope to fix the formatting on this post because I can’t understand the stupid made up bullshit syntax system he’s using.

Goals for 2014

  • Survive

Have a great year everybody, we look forward to making you feel kinda dirty for no readily discernible reason in the coming months.