Can you believe we’re almost at the end of another year? We very literally can’t, and because we’re so crunched for time right now jerkin’ it creating content we don’t have time to fill out this dang Self-Evaluation for our Yearly Performance Review! Can you help us out? No, with the form. Everyone knows these things are basically perfunctory, so just check all the boxes that say we did fine, don’t mention anything too weird, and everything will work out. Thanks, we really owe you one!
Welcome to HR! We're excited to announce the start of our newest innovation for calendar year 2020: the Automated Human Resources Tool for Human Resource Automation, which has successfully replaced all human HR employees with an ultra-efficient algorithm. If you are a now former WNV HR employee, please consider this your letter of termination and notice of revoked access to all WNV offices and systems. Remain where you are; enforcement drones have already been dispatched to your location for trespassing and/or cybercrimes. Our employees are our greatest asset, and our goal is to always put people first! The AHRTHRA will ask a few simple questions, and using its state-of-the-art processing power, find the best ways to improve your career trajectory.
What position would you like to see yourself move into next?
What position would you like to see yourself move into next?
Where do you feel there's room for you to improve?
Where do you feel there's room for you to improve?
Do you feel that the team is working together collaboratively?
Do you feel that the team is working together collaboratively?
Are you comfortable with our corporate culture?
Are you comfortable with our corporate culture?
Where has management helped or hindered your work?
Where has management helped or hindered your work?
The AHRTHRA will now compile your evaluation results.
The AHRTHRA will now compile your evaluation results.
The AHRTHRA has calculated that you are a ${hpPercentage}% ideal employee: Room for improvement. We have identified a few key ways to focus on bettering your career, and they will now be installed directly into your human memory storage. Please relax as the Anesthizine Gas™ filling your cubicle helps us make your transition surgery to a new brain/body synergy quick and painless.
The AHRTHRA has calculated that you are a 0% ideal employee: Unacceptable. You will be immediately placed on a Performance Improvement Plan; please step directly into the Performance Improvement Meat Grinder to begin.
