2020 Performance Evaluation

{ "meta": { "start": 0, "successes": [17], "failures": [18], "replay_on_failure": true, "replay_on_success": false, "hp": 7, "on_hp_depleted": 18 }, "pages": { "0": { "caption": "", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/welcome.jpg", "ending": false, "actions": [ { "title": "Hello? Is anyone here?", "goto": 1 } ] }, "1": { "caption": "Welcome to HR! We're excited to announce the start of our newest innovation for calendar year 2020: the Automated Human Resources Tool for Human Resource Automation, which has successfully replaced all human HR employees with an ultra-efficient algorithm. <span class=\"tiny\">If you are a now former WNV HR employee, please consider this your letter of termination and notice of revoked access to all WNV offices and systems. Remain where you are; enforcement drones have already been dispatched to your location for trespassing and/or cybercrimes.</span> Our employees are our greatest asset, and our goal is to always put people first! The AHRTHRA will ask a few simple questions, and using its state-of-the-art processing power, find the best ways to improve your career trajectory.", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/hhrthra.jpg", "ending": false, "actions": [ { "title": "Let's get started!", "goto": 2 } ] }, "2": { "caption": "What was your greatest accomplishment this year?", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/accomplishment.jpg", "ending": false, "actions": [ { "title": "I'm still alive", "goto": 3 }, { "title": "I exhausted all resources at my disposal to maximize value for the shareholders", "goto": 4 }, { "title": "I made the Poop Button do multiple poops at once", "goto": 3 }, { "title": "I had a lot of fun and learned a little something along the way", "goto": 3 } ] }, "3": { "caption": "What do you hope to accomplish next year?", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/accomplishment2.jpg", "ending": false, "damage": 1, "actions": [ { "title": "I want to make some strangers laugh with my posts", "goto": 5 }, { "title": "I want to survive it", "goto": 5 }, { "title": "I want to do more of what I enjoy most", "goto": 5 }, { "title": "I want to subsume all personal desire and need into driving profit for the shareholders", "goto": 6 } ] }, "4": { "caption": "What do you hope to accomplish next year?", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/accomplishment2.jpg", "ending": false, "actions": [ { "title": "I want to make some strangers laugh with my posts", "goto": 5 }, { "title": "I want to survive it", "goto": 5 }, { "title": "I want to do more of what I enjoy most", "goto": 5 }, { "title": "I want to subsume all personal desire and need into driving profit for the shareholders", "goto": 6 } ] }, "5": { "caption": "What position would you like to see yourself move into next?", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/promotion.jpg", "ending": false, "damage": 1, "actions": [ { "title": "I would like to become Chief Shitposting Officer", "goto": 7 }, { "title": "I would like to forfeit my own benefits to pass along the value to the shareholders instead", "goto": 8 }, { "title": "I would like to try a new career track outside of dumb internet jokes", "goto": 7 }, { "title": "I would like to stay where I am because I am perfectly happy with it", "goto": 7 } ] }, "6": { "caption": "What position would you like to see yourself move into next?", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/promotion.jpg", "ending": false, "actions": [ { "title": "I would like to become Chief Shitposting Officer", "goto": 7 }, { "title": "I would like to forfeit my own benefits to pass along the value to the shareholders instead", "goto": 8 }, { "title": "I would like to try a new career track outside of dumb internet jokes", "goto": 7 }, { "title": "I would like to stay where I am because I am perfectly happy with it", "goto": 7 } ] }, "7": { "caption": "Where do you feel there's room for you to improve?", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/working.jpg", "ending": false, "damage": 1, "actions": [ { "title": "I think I've been doing my very best", "goto": 9 }, { "title": "I think I could come up with post ideas before midnight the day before", "goto": 9 }, { "title": "I think I should stop expensing my vape juice on the company card", "goto": 9 }, { "title": "I think I sleep too much, that time would be better spent maximizing revenue for the shareholders", "goto": 10 } ] }, "8": { "caption": "Where do you feel there's room for you to improve?", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/working.jpg", "ending": false, "actions": [ { "title": "I think I've been doing my very best", "goto": 9 }, { "title": "I think I could come up with post ideas before midnight the day before", "goto": 9 }, { "title": "I think I should stop expensing my vape juice on the company card", "goto": 9 }, { "title": "I think I sleep too much, that time would be better spent maximizing revenue for the shareholders", "goto": 10 } ] }, "9": { "caption": "Do you feel that the team is working together collaboratively?", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/teamwork.jpg", "ending": false, "damage": 1, "actions": [ { "title": "The team works together like a well-oiled machine", "goto": 11 }, { "title": "The team is full of shitheads but we have fun", "goto": 11 }, { "title": "The team could use better guidance", "goto": 11 }, { "title": "The team is an unnecessary burden on the shareholders, they should no longer be paid", "goto": 12 } ] }, "10": { "caption": "Do you feel that the team is working together collaboratively?", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/teamwork.jpg", "ending": false, "actions": [ { "title": "The team works together like a well-oiled machine", "goto": 11 }, { "title": "The team is full of shitheads but we have fun", "goto": 11 }, { "title": "The team could use better guidance", "goto": 11 }, { "title": "The team is an unnecessary burden on the shareholders, they should no longer be paid", "goto": 12 } ] }, "11": { "caption": "Are you comfortable with our corporate culture?", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/culture.jpg", "ending": false, "damage": 1, "actions": [ { "title": "I am indifferent: I do not experience such things as they hinder my ability to perform any and all tasks required of me by the shareholders", "goto": 14 }, { "title": "I am comfortable: we have the correct work/life balance", "goto": 13 }, { "title": "I am uncomfortable: we have a culture focused too much on work and not enough on fun", "goto": 13 } ] }, "12": { "caption": "Are you comfortable with our corporate culture?", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/culture.jpg", "ending": false, "actions": [ { "title": "I am indifferent: I do not experience such things as they hinder my ability to perform any and all tasks required of me by the shareholders", "goto": 14 }, { "title": "I am comfortable: we have the correct work/life balance", "goto": 13 }, { "title": "I am uncomfortable: we have a culture focused too much on work and not enough on fun", "goto": 13 } ] }, "13": { "caption": "Where has management helped or hindered your work?", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/manage.jpg", "ending": false, "damage": 1, "actions": [ { "title": "Management has provided excellent guidance on how to make jokes about things like shitting and nipples", "goto": 15 }, { "title": "Management is irrelevant and should be removed, as it only serves as a veil between ourselves and the shareholders' pure message", "goto": 16 }, { "title": "Management stifles our creativity with too much bureaucracy", "goto": 15 } ] }, "14": { "caption": "Where has management helped or hindered your work?", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/manage.jpg", "ending": false, "actions": [ { "title": "Management has provided excellent guidance on how to make jokes about things like shitting and nipples", "goto": 15 }, { "title": "Management is irrelevant and should be removed, as it only serves as a veil between ourselves and the shareholders' pure message", "goto": 16 }, { "title": "Management stifles our creativity with too much bureaucracy", "goto": 15 } ] }, "15": { "caption": "The AHRTHRA will now compile your evaluation results.", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/hhrthra.jpg", "ending": false, "damage": 1, "actions": [ { "title": "I think I nailed it, tbh", "goto": 17 } ] }, "16": { "caption": "The AHRTHRA will now compile your evaluation results.", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/hhrthra.jpg", "ending": false, "actions": [ { "title": "I think I nailed it, tbh", "goto": 17 } ] }, "17": { "caption": "The AHRTHRA has calculated that you are a ${hpPercentage}% ideal employee: Room for improvement. We have identified a few key ways to focus on bettering your career, and they will now be installed directly into your human memory storage. Please relax as the Anesthizine Gas™ filling your cubicle helps us make your transition surgery to a new brain/body synergy quick and painless.", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/gassed.jpg", "ending": true, "actions": [ { "title": "Wow I can feel my value to corporate increasing already...", "href": "https://warrantynowvoid.com/comics/2019/12/18/" } ] }, "18": { "caption": "The AHRTHRA has calculated that you are a 0% ideal employee: Unacceptable. You will be immediately placed on a Performance Improvement Plan; please step directly into the Performance Improvement Meat Grinder to begin.", "image": "/assets/img/lol/2020-performance-evaluation/pipgrinder.jpg", "ending": true, "actions": [ { "title": "Wait hold on I don't even actually work he--" } ] } } }